ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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