I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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