So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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