yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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