I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
