just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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