it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
