My cat gives me a boner
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
