Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize