I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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