there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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