When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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