I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
