would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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