I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
