wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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