if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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