its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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