i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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