Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
