no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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