remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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