I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
