i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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