Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
try to milk me bitch
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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