I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
