its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
