Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize