I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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