hotel room ftw
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
