Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
