k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
