I'm going to jail i love you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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