I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize