apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize