I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
