she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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