There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
