Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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