dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
