someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
