you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
