"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
