Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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