She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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