Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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