The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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