Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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