If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize