the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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