you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
