She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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