Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
