you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
