I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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