Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My pussy is not your playground.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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