My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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