He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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