Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
