dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
