Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize