her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
