Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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