I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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