I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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